Thursday, May 14, 2009

Hell is other people

"You brits and your obsession with tentacles."

"I think you mean the japanese."

"Could be."

"Scary is a subjective term, I mean it's astounding what scares people. Bubbles, cotton, peaches, its bordering on insanity."

"You actually know someone who is scared of peaches Mali?"

"I have the internet don't I?"

"Well with wonderful observation on the state of humankind's fears, why don't you enlighten us as to what scares you?"

"Well Mr. Jesus Loves Me, hand me the die and let me have some structure." The die was passed, and a flick of the wrist later found five black dents demanding their attention.

"That works. "

To be honest, what scares me is something beyond human recognition, something that surpasses the fringes of a person's view. Perspective is entirely perceptual, but there are some things that are so consuming, so engrossing that it is difficult to truly grasp what it means. I mean you can rationalize all you want, dumb it down, break it down, but in its pure form, it is much more profound. Ambrose Bierce once wrote of the Damned Thing, and that is what scares me. Have you ever been confronted with a situation out of your control, where you can't do a damn thing to change it? Well what if you not only couldn't change it, but what if you didn't know what how big the situation was? Large doesn't begin to describe what it is, that incomprehensibly deep abyss. Much like the universe, if given the right relativity, you can feel like a trifling after thought in a scheme far grander than any engineer could provide. I like knowing my limits; what I'm capable of, even if that means anything. It's much more acceptable than being aware of that which is out of my grasp, matters that control my actions that i cannot change. There is fear in puppetry, in leading a life guided by others. More often than not, those people break, relinquishing the reins on their existence to far less able hands. Some call it Stockholm syndrome, I call it resignation. As long as I live, I plan to exploit every avenue life allows so the fear doesn't get me. So I don't resign myself to mere existence. So I don't give into the fear.